I accidentally burped into my bong.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
