I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
