So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize