And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
