glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
