Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize