She went from zero to smokin in five shots
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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