now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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