M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
