I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
