Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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