Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize