i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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