Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
