I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
