walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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