4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish you could order shots online.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
