some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
