Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
