dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
