Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize