oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
