After last night, I could never be a politician.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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