ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
