Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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