The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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