The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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