Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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