He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
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No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize