he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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