I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
