So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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