I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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