:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
