My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize