there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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