I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
