Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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