I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize