In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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