New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
