Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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