Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
third nipple confirmed
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
