if i can run in heels then i can drive
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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