worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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