My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Randomize
