i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
