just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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