so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
