I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
