Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My balls are so social today.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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