Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
