True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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