So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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