Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
