The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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