just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
