So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
