Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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