Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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