Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
