wanna go halves on a baby?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
