Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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