well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
