I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize