i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize