My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
