This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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