How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
