Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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