she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
